1143. Frank came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured,
would you still love me?" he asked her.
"Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.
"How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?"
he asked nervously.
"Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her
nails.
"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Frank went on, "if
I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me
then?"
The woman looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always
love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."

2049. There was a guy who owned a whorehouse and on one particular day all
of his women happened to get the flu and had called in sick.
Not wanting to lose any business that day, he thought up a solution
and went to the local sex shop to purchase inflatable women. He put
one in each room and then dimmed all the lights so no one would
notice.
Not long after he opened, a man walked in and ordered six beers and a
hooker. The man gave him his six beers and a key to one of the rooms.
The man went upstairs but not long after he returned with what
remained of his beer and sat down to drink it by himself. The
bartender, worried, went over to ask what had happened. The man told
his story, "Well sir, I got on her and was pounding away and she was
letting out these tiny little squeaking noises and everything was
good. Then I moved over and bit her nipple, when all of a sudden she
let out this really loud fart and flew out the window!"

3083. Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from
a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one
of the men stumbled
across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed
the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came
forth. This particular
genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the
standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on
the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot!  Now
we're going to have to piss in the
boat."

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